Term 4 Week 3,4 writing writing by Jun

Term 4 Week 3,4 writing 

By Jun

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One day I went to the animal park and i choose to see the birds which i can’t find around me.My mum said don’t touch the birds but you know what?Kids can’t control there self.Also there are feeding and i really exited.I grab some of the feeding staff and i spread on my handAnd some bird came to my hand and started to eat foods.Each time when birds eating food birds nib feels like little soft and sharpness. Smells like leaf and like some of the woods smells. It looks like funny and the birds really cute when they eating, I feel they don’t scared by human.In the middle of feeding  mum just came and says “Jun I Said don’t touch the bird! The birds gonna get hit!”But I said “Mum i really excited! You see that feeding birds  experience? I couldn't stop!”She looked me and Sigh to me. And she said “well It’s time to go home.”

What do you think? is it fine?

Should be ....
No it shouldn't be ...